Welcome to Soft Life Living

My little ~unfiltered~ corner of the internet.

I’ve lived with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. Those who have known me for a long time will have heard this story but for the newbies (hi!), strap in. In 2016, I ran the Great Wall of China marathon. I was 23 years old and had never visited China or Asia for that matter. But I was suffering, terribly, from depression and low self-worth – the traumatising side effect of a sexual assault when I was 19, and later a breakup – and the only way I felt I could release myself from its grip was to travel halfway across the world. I was inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love book and film, except I had no intention of falling in love with anyone else except myself. So I chose to run 26.2 miles, naturally.

My trip to China changed me in so many ways that even now when I reflect back on it, tears form in my eyes. Recently, I wrote about the impact of this trip for Angelica Malin’s brilliant book, Unattached: Empowering Essays on Singlehood, and I explored my journey of standing on one of the Seven Wonders of the World which made me realise that life – warts and all – was worth living. (It goes without saying that you should absolutely buy the book, and not only read my essay but the collection from some other fantastic writers.)

When you’re in the midst of depression, or any kind of life-changing crisis, the world caves in on you. You lose all sense of control and it’s difficult to see the end of the tunnel. But crossing that finish line in Beijing, with my wobbly legs and tears streaming down my face, was the catalyst I needed to carry on.

That was also when I discovered my love for writing and storytelling, and I launched my now-defunct blog documenting my mental health and fitness journey. I went on to become the journalist you now know me as because I also discovered the power of the pen and how it could transform lives like it did mine. And while I’ve enjoyed my four-year career as a journalist, uplifting and using my platform to give space to the underheard and underrepresented, I’ve realised that I have neglected myself in the process. I was writing for everybody else but me.

I cried for days on end, thinking that the world, my world, was ending.

Burna Boy once said, “I can’t come and kill myself” and I have never related to anything so much in my life. At the end of June 2022, after I returned from my six-week working trip to New York, I lost my job at the women’s publication That Shall Not Be Named. What followed was weeks of tears, angry outbursts, and suicidal thoughts. I lost my income, my confidence and part of my identity. It stung like a bitch. Hell, my ego was bruised (shout out to Deborah Joseph for the pep talk). In all honestly, I felt humiliated. I cried for days on end, thinking that the world, my world, was ending. Dramatic, I know. I’m an emotional Pisces. But when you have a public profile, with many eyes watching for your success (or downfall), you can feel a weight of pressure on your shoulders.

I also lost my aunt suddenly, and my relationship ended. They say all things happen in threes, but I never thought my life would change that much in a week. But it did, and I needed to hatch a plan, quickly.

The Monday after I lost my job, I fired emails to everyone I knew and didn’t. I applied for over 100 jobs on LinkedIn, even the ones I thought I wasn’t qualified for (something men do with ease, btw). Two weeks later, I received a job offer for a role I never thought I’d get: Editor-in-Chief of Time Out Abu Dhabi.

We’ve all heard the saying, “when one door closes, another opens”, and while it took me a very long time to realise this (two weeks of crying on my bathroom floor, in fact), it rings true. I can’t change my past but I can absolutely change my future.

But, let’s be honest. Heartbreak is not linear. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to Kelly Clarkson’s Since U Been Gone on full volume feeling empowered in my bedroom in London, on the plane and when I arrived at my Abu Dhabi apartment excited and ready to take on the world as a newly single woman. I can’t also tell you how many times I’ve listened to Jhené Aiko (a fellow emotional Pisces) crying into my pillow. A friend once told me that it takes you half the time you were in a relationship to get over your ex, and I guess I have a long ass road ahead of me. It’s going to be hard, and I will have many weak moments (like drunk texting at 4 am) but I will heal. And I will feel whole again, with or without him.

Sometimes we all need a little reminder of where we started, and where we’re headed. That’s why I’ve launched Soft Life Living, a newsletter where I’ll be documenting my journey in re-discovering the bad bitchery that is Jessica Noah Morgan while living in Abu Dhabi, and I hope that while you travel alongside me that you, too, realise you’re not alone. Making new friends as an adult is challenging. Everyone has their school friends, university friends, and work friends. And, to be honest, people aren’t that friendly. But as an ex-pat (or immigrant, as I like to say), I hope that I’ll make friends who are in a similar situation as me.

So here it begins, My Eat, Pray, Run journey, if you will, in an entirely new city. For those who enjoy my writing, or are perhaps new to my work, I hope you enjoy this journey as much as I hope to. I also want my journey, and this newsletter, to give you the fire in your belly for when you feel like the whole world is against you. This is for all the people who were told they were too loud, too much, too small, too ambitious. We all deserve to live a soft life, one with ease and comfort, with few inconveniences. And as Aaliyah so beautifully sang back in 2000: “If at first, you don’t succeed // dust yourself off and try again.”